Drinks with Luke

The Luke Garratt Drinking Game!

Fun for all the family (including the children*)

Take a drink every time Luke:

• Touches his face
• Runs his hands through his hair
• Moves his hands from his pockets to his chest, to his pockets and so on.
• Takes a drink
• Talks about Lunch/Food/Eating

Take a drink every time Luke says:

• "Delicious"
• "Ridiculous"
• "Incredible"
• "Oh Yeah"
• "Good News"

*If children get addicted, Its not my fault, Its theirs. No takebacks.

The End.

De-evolution

Since it's St. Patrick's day, as I'm sure you all know, and recently the blogs have been about evolution, I thought that this would probably be appropriate.



Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Train of thought when you look for your keys and can't find them straight away

1. Where are my keys?
2. Oh, no, I left them in the drawer
3. Wait, they're not there
4. On the printer?
5. No
6. Ohhhh, in my bag
7. Shit, they're not their either
8. Have I lost them?
9. How would I have gotten into my room?
10. Did I lock the door when I left?
11. Oh, yeah I did, because I was drinking some water just after
12. No, wait, that was Friday!
13. Crap
14. Shit crap
15. In the drawer?
16. I checked there
17. Behind the books?
18. Why would they be behind the books?
19. Curtains?
20. No, no, no!
21. Oh crap, perhaps I put them in the rubbish by mistake!
22. Oh no! I put the rubbish out last night!!
23. On the cupboard?!
24. NO!
25. In the pile of papers?
26. Argh!
27. Check under the bed!
    
28. Theres so much crap under my bed!
29. Aw cool, I thought I'd lost this hat!
30. No, not under here!
31. Oh god, oh god, On the sink
32. Under the sink?
33. under the printer?
34. In the printer?
35. I'm never going to find them. I'm going to have to pay £20 to get new ones, and I'm not going to be able to leave my house for about 4 days!
36. I don't have enough food for 4 days!
37. Oh god.
38. Are they in that drawer?!
39. They wont be in that drawer! Its useless!
40. Oh, they were in that drawer.

This happens to me at least once every two days...

The TV Set

A few meaty reviews, some long awaiting, some that I was bursting to get onto the Internet, and have been for a while. All are juicy and succulent, with layers and layers of tasty morsels for you to savour and digest.

I am incredibly hungry. Strap in, sports fans...

Being Human

You asked for it, and it came to you in a blaze of glory, the long awaited review of Being Human (BBC3, Saturday 9.00pm), a series which brought people together, then broke them apart, and then, big surprise to everyone, brought them together again.

Things got weird.

Being Human was one of those sorts of shows that comes around once every blue moon. A show with a low production value, relatively unknown actors, a basic premise, and compelling story lines. First of all, it had vampires. And werewolves. And Ghosts! but what was incredible was that these three mythical creatures seamlessly translated from screen to real life, as though it was a natural thing for them to be there. Its a weird way of putting it, but the fact that these creatures are living in such a familiar place as Bristol gives a perspective into the idea of secret lives, as well as the show giving deep parallels to the way people cope with disabilities, or addictions. It was all, as the title suggests, about being human. Which was cool, I guess, if you like that sort of thing. You Nerd.

On a final note, the man who played Herrick was fantastic. And his comrades. And the Vampire hierarchy. Honestly, I cant speak highly enough about it, Its on the increasingly handy BBC iplayer, so just watch it, ya lughead.

Dexter

Ahhhh, Dexter. Where on Earth can I start with this meaty subject. It'd be like starting the worlds best sandwich without any mental preparation. I like American TV. I like it so much I am prepared to sit and wait for the damn Internet to load it just so I can watch it. I like it so much I considered paying for sky, even though I didn't have a satellite, just for the possibility to get channels that might provide me with the great shows being churned out of the US. This migration of great shows was a strange occurrence considering how monumentally shit American TV shows were not 20 years ago.

Dexter was one of the first breaths of fresh air that I had wafted in my pudgy Anglo-Gaelic face, just after Battlestar Galactica, which sort of gave me a bit of rebirth, in the same way that I was revitalised when I discovered Rock music. Except I wasn't 12. Dexter has a strange mystique that resembles the feeling when you watch a hero on screen. Remember when you watched Han Solo in Star Wars? No? Alright, remember when you first watched a really, really cool character in a movie or a TV show. Remember the way it made you feel in your mind, the feeling that you want to be them, to emulate them, to give the same impression on people that your character does. The same curious thing happens with Dexter, to excellent dramatic effect. We're drawn into the characters mind. We want to be the charismatic, cool, attractive Dexter, but he's a serial killer. We know we shouldn't, but we're still captured. It's enticing, and its fantastic.

The characters aren't the only thing that's good, theres the storylines. Each series unfolds slowly, gradually, like a novel, which is actually what the series was adapted from in the first place, which means that instead of having non-sequential episodes, one after another, we have a series of meaty episodes, that take a week to digest. However, despite the clear dramatic aspect of having every episode full of juice, this means that its a very difficult series to get hooked onto. Despite the long-winded recaps, you never get a full sense of whats going on if you miss an episode, so you're pretty much boned if you want to keep watching, leaving you to the inevitable need to surf the crap-pile of the Internet for a streaming episode.

Which will be covered in Japanese writing. And shit.

Jacob Bronowski's Ascent of Man

A truly remarkable series. A little sketchy at times, in the sense that it makes you feel like you're on a science induced drug trip. The idea of seeing a giant head, and several methods of wave and frequency reading equipment on a beach, whilst a man talks in soft mild mannered scientific tones is incredibly weird, but this is only one of the first of the potent, and often brilliant examples of how the series is able to capture you. By using the unusual scenarios, Bronowski is able to capture an audience in a way that many of the most famous presenters haven't done today, with the ever increasing abundance of technology.

The whole series is soothing, like being dipped in a large cup of just-right tea, that's lined with pieces of a science textbook. Bronowski gives an amazing amount of perspective in a very short time, the lecture style format is something that seems to have died out along with the mainstream broadcasting of traditional documentaries, and I believe that this is really something to be admired. Considering that I haven't seen many of these sorts of things, in all my 18 years on this planet, as well as the fact that I'm very cynical about many, many, many things, I think that my opinion is justified. Essentially, people need to watch it. And its on YouTube. So you have no excuse.

You lazy bastard.

In the Grim Etcetera

Darwin is a fascinating man. He is for his theories and his scientific prowess, but mainly, I believe that he is fascinating because of the level of controversy he has created. Darwin has been the cause of some of the major political, religious, and scientific debates all over the world since he first came up with the idea of natural selection, evolution, and the possibility that intelligent design might not be a correct theory.

In conclusion, hes pretty cool.

As a person that studied Biology at A level, under the misconception I was good at the subject, but also because of the age old reason, I wanted to "make my father proud", I was a student of a Mr. Moore, who was a strong believer in the theories of Darwin, and the absolute empirical belief that he was right. Any person who would take him to task on such information, or try and best him was immediately and severely mocked. After all, Mr. Moore had done a masters, and a PhD on Darwin, so he knew quite a few things. Also, what were those people thinking? theyre in a biology lesson for Christ sakes, what did they think they were getting?

Anyhoo, moving on. Mr. Moore, for all his arguing and reasoning, and the most solid belief that he was correct, still had to give the speech about how "Darwin's theories are just that: Theories, and the theory of Intelligent Design must be considered".

For a Darwin purist, this must have been agony.

Now, for the infamous third lecture in the politics half of my journalistic tutelage, which focused on KINGDOM, and the history of how we alllllll became united and such. The amazing thing was this lesson how I found out how much of a bastard Oliver Cromwell really was. Chris described it as Nazi rule, crossed with something even more dangerous that I have forgotten, and after a little research, Ive found out hes actually more like Dr. Doom crossed with Nazis, Mugabe, Darth Vader and Hannibal Lecter. Except he doesn't eat people. That we know of.

But yes, he is a bastard, and I'd imagine that today he'd be killing kittens with battery acid, just because he could, and nothing displays this effect than the recent Channel 4 drama The Devils Whore. Not only is Cromwell shown to be an arsehole, but there was an interesting twist in the portrayal of King Charles I, which showed him as not only a power grabbing tyrant, but also as a very human character. A loving father, with children who see him as such, instead of a tool. Anyway, its definitely worth a look, as it were. And because I cant think of an end to this section.

The next thing I have to talk about is the news that scientists have mapped the modern words that have changed very little in tens of thousands of years. These six words are I, WHO, WE, THOU, TWO, THREE and FIVE. That's great science men, but what about four a-side football? Doesn't that get a look in?

You bastards with your science and your Darwin.

For Your Consideration

I have absolutely no interest in Che. Parts one or two. In fact, I'm not sure I could give a fair review. Also, I haven't seen it, so I'm probably not the best person to ask? Oh, you didn't ask? Well fine. You bastard.

I haven't been watching many movies recently, mainly because the cinema in Winchester seems to have a cross between a monetary crisis and a stick up its arse, showing two movies at a time like it's some sort of selection committee. Frost/Nixon, a film I've been aching to see was in the cinema for a couple of days, whilst The Curious Case of Benjamin Button remains in the theater like a bad smell. I suppose I'm just bitter, because I haven't seen any of these films, but then again, when they only show them for a couple of days, I can't see them, so who's fault is that? I guess its mine.

Next up on the agenda, Jade Goody.

Ahhhh, Jade Goody. Isn't it amazing how since she got cancer we've all forgotten how much of a horrible person she is. This is not to say that I am not sympathetic of people with cancer, quite the opposite. I had a very surreal sort of experience when I was working as a porter in my local hospital, wheeling around patients like a human taxi cab. except they...werent...inside me. Anyway, there was a patient who was a frequent passenger on the Luke express, a woman who was a sufferer of late stage leukemia. When I started wheeling her around, she seemed rather perky, she chatted and such, but then as the weeks went on, she lost more and more hair, she talked less and less, and her husband became more and more sombre. Then suddenly, one week, she wasn't on the request list. It was pretty clear what had happened. I had it third hand and I was still affected.

Jade Goody however, decided the best way to go about her untimely death was to grab as much attention as possible about HER, rather than drawing attention to one of the most curable kinds of cancer. If she really wanted to do something good, she would donate the money from the over exposure of her wedding, and her death, to the cervical cancer fund, and not all to her children.

For God's sake. Perhaps I'm just an angry man, but I really think I have a valid point. When hundreds of people die of cancer every single year, with every case being as sad as the last, and the media focuses on the one person they almost destroyed a couple of years before, without drawing on the serious issues.

Last thing, as this is getting rather long, check out this disgusting little snot. We've all seen this by now. An 8 year old boy seemed to have had a seething libido, and couldn't keep his minuscule member inside his Lonsdale tracksuit, and the product is a child that will be a detriment to the system. I want to smack all of the parties involved in the encouragement and conception of this child on the head. Except not the child, because apparently that's illegal.

And I'm fairly sure I would be raped in jail.

The Widgeteer

Ahhhh, economics. After the last lectures misanthropic tirade, the soothing calm of economics washed over me like a warm bath, and I was able to marinade in it for some time, before roasting it on a gentle heat and producing the well cooked blog you see before you two days later.



The economic struggle of this country was something that i really never paid a significant amount of attention to. Of course, I read about it, absorbed the information and understood it (mostly, kinda sorta) but the real fact was it wasn't really that important to me at the time. I didn't need to know, because it wasn't affecting me that much, and so I was mostly indifferent. With that smooth segway, lets move on to this weeks politics lecture.



I'm a big fan of Empiricism. I didn't know that the term existed before this week, but certainly I was a big fan of the underlying concept well before I knew the definition. The idea that you don't believe in something unless it is available to you sensually (which sounds dodgy) is one that can fit into a world that intends to progress into the future. Empiricism allows experimentation, an idea that seems to be wildy discouraged among the God fearin' members of society, which sadly, still has a very significant impact on today's world. If we were all to embrace Empiricism, in one form or another, and the red tape were to come down, then there is no measure to what the human species could achieve.



This brings me onto a hugely controversial subject regarding experimentation. During my university interview process, I was asked to discuss, with a group, a certain scenario. The general assumption was that this would weed out the weak and ugly, in order to allow the confident and powerful people progress to higher learning, where they would gather the skills needed to rule the world one day maybe. I still think it was to see who was a dick and who wasn't, but that's just me.



The question posed to us in this little debate-a-thon, was simple: "Do you think a screening process to see if an unborn child has down syndrome would be morally viable?"

Now...lets make one thing perfectly clear. I respect, and am a strong supporter, of the rights of disabled people to live, work, and pretty much do whatever they want in the world without being bothered, but my answer came under a lot of scrutiny, when i took in a deep breath, and unleashed my bombshell. "Of course" I had agreed with pre-birth screening. The main reason being that if we can rid future people of these life altering conditions, then why wouldn't we? Why would we stop progress? The one answer that came amidst the gasps was "Because its morally wrong. God wouldn't like it"



Maybe not, but considering I don't believe in him, i think him and I can call it quits.



This is why I like Empiricism. People are able to use these experiments without some justice force telling us the "big guy won't like it".



Basically, "Empiricism leads to the scientific method and empirical method leads to highly effective technological advance"



A good lecture on Empiricism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC6DNdkt0IU.

It also says stuff about Hume, who as we all know thought of a bit of a step up from Empiricism, with a bit more added assumption.

Next up in the batting cages: A Priori. Buh. BUH. It seems non negotiable. Or rather, half of it seems non negotiable. The half which is concordant with Empiricism, that is to say, provisional ideas. As it were. The trancendent part is a little silly. Mainly because I'm an atheist, and the idea that God might exist is laughable. Therefore, it is always laughable. See what I did? That's A priori right? I could later turn into a religious person, which would be...good?

A good example of A priori reasoning in the press lately would be the furthering of the Guantanamo cases. The idea the geoverment seems to have used is that:

Extremist Muslims attack America
Therefore all Muslims are terrorists
That guy looks like a Muslim
Oh, He is a Muslim
Therefore he is a terrorist.

As for Idealists...well some of them are just plain nuts.



In the second part of the lecture, we focused on the ideas behind economics. A large part of the section was devoted to the Karl Marx contradiction to capitalism. I like Karl Marx. Not because of his ideals, but because his name sounds like Groucho Marx, and that makes me laugh.



Anyway...



Karl Marx had a strategy, that I will lovingly copy and paste from the Winchester Journalism site, simply because it is pretty concise. Also funny.

1. WORKER GETS PAID £1 TO PRODUCE A WIDGET


2. WIDGET SELLS FOR £2 (THE ‘MARKET PRICE’ – ADAM SMITH)


3. CAPITALIST MAKES £1 PROFITCAPITALIST SPENDS THIS ON THE STATE


4. CAPITALIST WASTES SOME ON PLATED WIDGETS, TOP HATS, ETC


5. CAPITALIST INVESTS SOME IN ANOTHER WIDEGET FACTORY
   WORKER GOES TO SHOP TO TRY AND BUY A WIDGET


6. OH DEAR – WIDGETS COST £2. WORKER ONLY GOT £1 (SEE LINE ONE)


7. WIDGET REMAINS UNSOLD – IT’S A WIDGET CRUNCH


8. MASS PANICWIDGET FACTORY CLOSES – WIDGET WORKER EVEN MORE ALIENATED


9. WIDGET WORKER THROWS OFF DELUSIONS


10. VIOLENT REVOLUTION LED BY LOCAL PSYCHOPATH


11. CAPITALISTS SHOT DEAD, ETC


12. END OF CAPITALIST SYSTEM


13. MASSIVE BOOZE UP/TEMPORARY MOMENT OF MISPLACED OPTIMISM


14. UNFORTUNATE ANIMAL FARM TYPE SITUATION ENDS BOOZE UP


15. CAPITALIST SYSTEM RE-ESTABLISHED UNDER ANOTHER NAME

Now we've all had this friday night.